My Husband Went To Arizona and All He Brought Me Was...

This:


And this:

And some of this:

Which I will put together to make a little of this:

And a whole bunch of these:

Muchas Gracias, Babe!

Recipe

Speaking English

From the email files, before I was blogging. June 2006

Recently, I received an email from a friend asking me about our language acquisition and whether or not the kids were picking up a Dutch accent.

It’s a funny thing here, actually.

Though they are readily picking up the Dutch language, the accent which has a stronger influence on everyone's speech is the British we are surrounded by.
I am fascinated by the whole development of our language and wonder about the evolution of the American accent, since it is so far removed from the English which is spoken in the UK. (I have some working theories, but nothing soundly researched or tested.) That being said however, we have found many moments where the phrase “Divided by a common language” is a dead-on explanation.

It seems that the English that everyone speaks and teaches here on the continent, is the British English, so we have had to make some adjustments in order to best be understood.
This includes both in vocabulary and in spellings.

Imagine 12-year old Ian's surprise the first day of school when a classmate asked him "Have you got a rubber?" And of course the innocuous request for an "eraser" was a total shock to my son, for whom "rubber" means something else entirely!

So now we refer to our "trousers" rather than our "pants" which in Britain means underwear.

And we are careful to watch while in the "car park" for automobiles which are zipping by. We do not wish to be run over by a "tyre" so we hop onto the "kerb" for safety.

To go to the beach we need a “swimming costume” and when the weather cools down we will wear our "jumpers". (This whole idea of jumpers tickles my husband something fierce and he gets a good giggle every time he hears it.)

I have a running conversation with my proper British friends to double check meanings when we discover yet another alternate meaning to words we thought we understood. For instance recently we discovered that a 'fanny' is not at all what we supposed it was. So we no longer refer to our bottom with that moniker and save ourselves embarrassment or offense to those who understand that word in the British way. This includes losing the term "fanny pack" and we have picked up the alternate "bum bag" from our cousins across the pond instead.

It can get rather confusing at times and the misunderstanding can run both ways; as in I get a little jumpy when I hear a Brit inquire "can I bum a fag?" The request for a cigarette just doesn't sound right.

We added toddler confusion to the vocabulary equation when I asked Andrew to pick up his toys one evening and place them in the bin. For me, the meaning of bin was quite clearly the plastic box-like container where we store his toys. For him, the meaning of bin was quite clearly the trash can and he looked at me with wide inquiring eyes when I requested that he pick up his Buzz Lightyear and 'put him in the bin'. I didn't understand his confusion until later in the night when I saw that he had obediently taken Buzz to the trash can in the kitchen. Ah, me. I remember now to call the plastic container the toy box and we all now take our "rubbish" to the "bin".

All for all, I suppose the upshot is that we have picked up a lovely new vocabulary here and when we do 'freak out' or find it 'tricky' at least we give our British friends something to write home about.

We'll just continue to keep it cool man. We're keeping it cool.

The Dutch Way

9 March 2006

We have passed our six month mark here in the Netherlands and it would be fair to say we have learned a great deal in the past six months. Collectively and individually we have discovered many things about ourselves and about the world at large. Chief among these discoveries is the realization that there is a ‘way’ to do things in life and then there is the “Dutch way”. Take for instance: toilets. Not everyone’s favorite subject I know. But it must here be discussed that Dutch toilets are a wonder to behold. In a country where there is no water shortage and indeed no threat of drought, these are the most extreme water saving apparatus on the planet. These are low flow toilets taken to the lowest extreme. Most toilets here consist of a tank and seat as you would expect, but the bowl itself is built with a "shelf" above the water, where all leavings must first fall. I know, ooo-ick, but bear with me please. I borrow here heavily from “The Undutchables” by Colin White and Laurie Boucke (a must-read for any ex-pat or long term visitor to Holland) to explain the Dutch way of bathrooms and other unmentionable acts within.

“Nowhere is the sense of claustrophobia more pronounced than in the water-closet. The Dutch have taken the term literally, and made that most private of rooms the size of a cupboard.… By far the most distressing feature of the Dutch WC is the toilet itself. The bowl is uniquely shaped to include a plateau well above the normal water level. Its purpose becomes obvious the first time you see (or use) one. Why the worldly, cultured Dutch have this sadistic desire to study the recent content of their stomach remains a mystery…”

I know what you’re thinking… you are saying, "that’s just exaggeration for purposes of satire", but I am telling you this is true! And add to this the strange ways of flushing said contents into the nether regions. With the conservative water supply (again-in Holland? Why?) there is rarely enough pressure generated to sweep the bowl clean if you get my meaning. Among the other decorations in a WC the one of utmost importance is the toilet brush. Which oddly enough, is an item "ever present, never discussed, yet always wet."

Second on my ‘Dutch way’ list is the traditional line or ‘queue’ as the British would say. The Dutch don’t seem to have a word for it ‘cause they just don’t do it. Occasionally, you may see a proper line form in front of the cash register at the neighborhood shops or behind an ATM machine, but that’s as far as it goes. In general, while waiting for a turn at the Butcher’s counter, at the cheese shop, or at any of the stalls in the Market, you must be courageous and bold to get yourself positioned at the counter. You must be willing to push past the masses who in turn are trying to push past you and answer the question “Wie is aan de buurt? (Who is next?) with a very loud “Ik!!” (Me!!)
As for boarding a bus or a train? Well, forget everything your mother taught you about courtesy or waiting for your turn. Join the pressing throng and position yourself so that as soon as the door slides open you can move forward and fight your way in. I think there are points awarded for the number of people you can step in front of or elbow out of the way as you vie for position. And, by all means please begin the press before allowing passengers on the vehicle to disembark. Oh, my, allowing others to “uitstappen” (exit) before you clamor to get on could very well cost you a seat.
As Emma and I await our second bus in the mornings, I grab the back of her coat as the bus approaches, push her forward a step and whisper “be Dutch” in her ear. This has proven to be an effective method in getting ourselves properly placed in the crowd and we can beat others to the seats on a busy morning bus.

So as to be fair to the Dutch, I move now on this list to the things about the Dutch way that I am entertained by, or that I deeply appreciate. There are quite a few of those, but I will mention just these few.

The typical Dutch way to greet a friend, to say goodbye or to offer heartfelt thanks is to enact the three-kiss tradition. A right cheek-left cheek-right cheek kiss is typical, along with warm words of expression. Probably for my benefit as a foreigner, I am also reminded after the kiss-kiss-kiss that this is the ‘Dutch way’.

We have sampled and dabbled in a lot of traditional Dutch cuisine since our arrival here and the hands down favorite for everyone in this house is the Dutch pancake. Pannenkoeken are thinner than the typical American pancake, though not as thin as the French crepe. Made with flour, sugar, salt, eggs and milk, they have the most delightful texture! We eat them quite often, even for dinner occasionally. (much to the dismay of our Dutch friends-as pancakes for dinner is NOT the 'Dutch way') Traditional approach to the Pannenkoeken is to serve them with butter and Poeder Suiker (powdered sugar) and to eat them with knife and fork. My personal favorite is to smear them with chocolate spread, roll them up and gobble them down. It may not be the Dutch way, but it certainly works for me.

Oh, Christmas Tree

20 December 2005

Attention one and all! Please add to the “Things the Dutch Can Carry While Riding a Bike” list; Christmas trees! Yes, more than once or even ten times in the last few weeks we have witnessed our city mates balancing atop their bicycles with fresh Kerstboem just purchased from the corner lot, on their way to home or flat to make the place festive for the season. My own experience in finding a tree for our home goes like this. Just a short distance from our place is a set of shops, which I have described before. Just in time for the season an area has been cleared along the walkway and a tree lot has been established. This tree lot comes complete with a caricature of a little Dutchman selling trees to the neighborhood residents day after day. He wears a full set of snow trousers and parka as he spends his day outdoors trimming and wrapping trees for customers to purchase and carry off. I approached him armed with my standard phrase in Dutch “Mag ik in Engels spreken?” (May I speak English) which generally goes a long way with the shop keepers and store attendants, and then I am able to ask my questions in the language I understand best. However, to my query, this man said “Nee” (No) and then continued in a jabber of Dutch. So picture me, standing stock still, eyes as big as saucers and mouth agape, tiny patch of drool forming at the corner, as my brain clicks into gear and I try to sort through the jumble of words pouring from his mouth to translate the ones I recognize into English and make some sense of what he is saying. Ding! The light goes on and he is telling me that he prefers to speak Dutch and I should practice mine. So, actually no, I can’t speak Engels but I am welcome to speak Nederlands to him.
This all takes a bit, as the sorting processors in my brain are quite slow.
“Nee??” I said
And he nodded at me.
So, digging as deep as I could into my 10 once-a-week language lessons, I did my utmost to conduct a tree buying conversation in Dutch. At some level communication must have taken place, because a few minutes later I had a beautiful little tree, which had been taken from its display stand and properly netted, tucked under my arm and I was on my way home with my first Dutch Christmas tree! It here must be noted that having exhausted my vocabulary in getting the tree, I neglected to ask for a “stand” and Don had to go back a little later in the day to seal the deal, so to speak. But I was off with my small Christmas bush under one arm and a special delivery package I had just picked up from the post office under the other. I must say, I felt rather festive schlepping them both through the streets to home.

On Dutch transport, language and breakfast

28 August 2005

Leiden is indeed a bike city. A bicycle is the most common form of transport here. I mean to say there are a lot of bikes in Leiden. A lot. I love to see the bike parking at Leiden Centraal every morning as the commuters park their bikes and then board the trains and buses for work. It’s hard to explain the sight of hundreds of bikes hunkered together in the garages and racks awaiting the return of their owners. The city's infrastructure supports bike travel as most streets are paralleled by a bike lane. These bike lanes, or in Dutch: fiestspad, wind through the city allowing bicycle riders to get around quite readily. Bikes are king of the road. Right of way belongs to the cycler. Bikes have right of way before cars. Bikes have right of way before pedestrians. I have seen bikes attempt to have right of way before buses. However, this seems to be the exception. I don't know if Dutch driving rules actually reflect that buses have right of way, or rather by default because buses are so much BIGGER than anything else on the road, they win.
As for cars, they are small. There are mini vans and some sedans, but mostly the cars on the road are the compact models. Some are so tiny that they almost look comical. Emma has dubbed the tiniest of the two-seaters here "Mickey" to go along with the “Minnies”, or Mini Cooper, which are here in abundance. Today while we were waiting for a bus connection we saw a car that looked in shape and style like a minivan, only it was miniature sized. We speculated that it had been washed in hot water and shrunk!
We did spot a Hummer on the road, but that’s a complete rarity and frankly I don’t know where a vehicle that large could park! These roads are narrow and cars are parallel parked on both sides. It’s possible actually that the Hummer we saw last week is still driving around looking for a suitable parking spot!

The chatter around us in Dutch is starting to sound more like a language of individual words rather than a mass of sounds. Every once in a great while, I can actually pick out a word or two that I recognize! Interesting to note is the fact that though we cannot understand the language(s) flying about, at any given time, 90% of the people around us can eavesdrop on our English conversations without a problem! (Note to self: be careful what you say!) Most everyone I have met thus far not only speaks his/her own language but also speaks English with obvious proficiency. It is clear that we are truly lingual slackers! However, when we are stuck (meaning sign language and smiles are not communicating the full scope of our needs) someone nearby will readily switch to using English so we can understand.
I do think we have grown accustomed to the reality that we don’t understand what is being said around us most of the time. The television also offers something of a language challenge. We have channels from France, Germany, and Belgium as well as the UK so there are a variety of choices in feeling illiterate for our entertainment. On the Dutch channels, the programming that comes from outside The Netherlands is subtitled in Dutch. Meaning if it’s a French film, it will have Dutch subtitles across the screen. German talk show? Dutch subtitles. It follows of course that entertainment imports from the U.S. also have Dutch subtitles. But mostly TV is a veritable Babel to us, and we just look at the pictures and try to piece together the story. The other night we were watching TV and clicking around the channels and we stopped to watch a documentary. The subtitles were flashing and after watching for several minutes, Ian said “what are they talking about?” We looked over at him and with a bit of a smirk, Don said “They’re speaking English, dude!” It was hilarious! Our poor overloaded brains can’t process the input sometimes. But we are mutable and we are learning new skills everyday.

Finally, I need to make note of one other reason to “sing praises to the Dutch”. Here is one of the greatest discoveries we have made thus far: CHOCOLATE is for BREAKFAST! There may be a lack of Froot Loops in the country, but in my judgment the Dutch have done one better in their breakfast cereal line up. It is Cruesli with Chocolate! Cruesli is a granola type cereal that is also offered with the standard additions of raisins and/or almonds but then you have the ultimate chocolate version. Cruesli Chocolade is chocolate granola with chunks of chocolate thrown in. Think "two scoops of raisins" only substitute chocolate chunks for the fruit and you've got the idea. Oh, my, my, my… it is delicious and oh-so-fun! My kids don’t really share my enthusiasm but perhaps that’s just because they don’t have my refined palate.
In addition to chocolate in your breakfast cereal there is also the potential to spread it on your bread with Chocolade Pasta or sprinkle it on your toast with a variety of candy type sprinkles. All of it is totally legal breakfast food.
I’m telling you this is quite a country.