Tuesday, May 8

Perhaps We'll Die

"Ack-OH-Aaaargh! okay! NEW RULE IN THE HOUSE!"

"What's that then?"

"No more leaving the juice sitting out for any extended period of time in the warm summer temperatures."

"Oh, okay. Did it turn or something?"

"No, there was a fly in it."

"Ah, so you had a fly in your glass?"

"No! I had a fly in my mouth!"

"You had a fly in your mouth?"

"Yes! A fly in my mouth. Ack!"

"Oh, sick."

"That's what I'm saying."


"How are you doing since the fly-in-your-mouth incident?"

"Ugh. Don't remind me. I can't get the taste of soggy fly out of my mouth. I guess I won't be on Fear Factor anytime soon."

"No? You not up for eating bugs then?"


"You know this whole thing today kinda reminds me of the time I ate soap."

"You ate soap?"

"Yes! You don't remember?"

"No. You really ate soap?"

"It's not like I meant to. It was when we were newly married, living in Vegas, and I was really sick one night and went to the cupboard to look for medicine."


"I found a bottle I had "borrowed" from your Mom's house. It was a cold medicine bottle with an orangey liquid inside. I thought it was Triaminic. It looked like Triaminic."


"It wasn't Triaminic."

"It was soap?"

"Yes! It was soap! I guess your Mom must have used that bottle to send some shampoo with one of your sisters to girls' camp or something. I thought it was medicine."

"Wait, so you took soap?"

"Yes! I am telling you, I took soap. By the way that's EXACTLY what you said to me that night when I woke you with my hysterics because I had just swallowed soap."

"I don't remember this."

"I do. It's one of my more embarrassing moments. I swallowed soap. On purpose. Kind of. I was delirious with the sniffles. I was in a panic after guzzling soap and wondered if I might get sick. You weren't especially sympathetic. You told me I could call Poison Control."

"Did you?"

"Yes! And I explained the whole thing to the operator and asked him if I was going to die now. He was very professional and didn't snicker too loudly. Not anywhere near as loudly as you are laughing right now."

"I can't help it. You swallowed soap!"

"Yeah, well you swallowed a fly!"

"No, I didn't swallow a fly. I just swished it around in my mouth and then spit it out."

"Oh, lovely."

"I am glad you didn't die when you swallowed soap."

"Yeah? And I am glad you didn't really swallow a fly."

I know an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I don't know why she swallowed a fly,
perhaps she'll die....


  1. I'm really not sure which is worse. Eweeee. That's kind of like the bee in the pop can thing. Glad you're still around.

  2. Oh you two are funny. Don't you love it when the men provide such great blog fodder?

  3. I also accidently took soap and had to call poison control. I swallowed AND inhaled it up my nose. I was a freak shower incident. I still remember Frank the poison control man. He was kind and didn't laugh at me. He even called back an hour later to see if I had stopped throwing up.

  4. OMG! I spit iced tea out my nise at this one! Sounds like a convo my hubby and I would have! ::hugs::

  5. Now if the cheese gets left out, will he swallow a goat?

  6. HAHAHAHA. Okay, this was brilliantly hilarious. You two should take your show on the road... You know, to, like, Holland or something...

  7. Hi, I so love that song about the fly even though it's so creepy! I love the way Peter or Paul (I always get their names mixed up) of Peter Paul & Mary did that song, the facial expressions and so on.

    Thanks so much for leaving a comment. I had no idea if anyone was reading my other blog much or not, it is an outlet I absolutely needed. And I'm like you, I surf the web looking for other blogs by parents or grandparents that speak about their experiences with kids of special needs, especially PDD. I'll send you an email, found some good books at amazon. :)

  8. Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww, EWWW. A fly? Gack!!!

  9. This is still funny the next day.

  10. "Am I going to die now?" That's hilarious.

    Cute story. It's like you two are friends or something! :)

  11. You know, we are funny. I appreciate you noticing!
    The truth of it is, this is the kind of conversation that happens around this house all the time. I married a hilarious guy. He makes me laugh all the time, especially at myself. That's a good thing!

    And yeah, Teri-
    it is like we are friends or something.

    sorry to hear about your near death experience with soap too. I am proud of you for admitting it! It took me 14 years to bring it up in front of people (and I chose the internet as that venue, why?)

    Scribbit & Brillig-
    coming from the likes of you, that kind of compliment is meaningful.

    hope you had a tissue nearby!

    Gawilli & Songbird-
    I know! ooh-ICK!

    Me too! Love the song. And I love the support of knowing you are out there!

    Okay, that made me bust a gut. You are HILARIOUS!