I should be working. Really, I should. There is lots to be done and the hours to do it are drifting away. Instead, though, I am wandering the house, the internet, and my own imagination.
Blame it on the random spotted sleep I have had the last 2 nights. Poor Andrew has been sick and between bouts of vomiting we've been doing a lot of cuddling. And in the end, at his recovery, I am feeling the shell-shock of not sleeping. Mostly that is manifesting in this can't-focus-on-nothin'-state of mind which I confessed to when I started this paragraph.
Reader warning: If you are looking for coherency and succinct point in your blog reading today, move along. I just don't think that will be happening here.
I've been thinking. About lots of things really, but mostly about fear. The way it manifests, the way it underscores, overrides and dictates action. Perhaps I should insert CAN into that sentence. The way fear CAN manifest, underscore, override and dicate actions. My actions for sure. I am assuming here this is a universal experience and others have the same feeling. (You'll have to report in the comments section and tell me if it's so.)
Franklin D. Roosevelt (First inaugural address):The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
What is on my list?
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of what people think.
Fear of trying something new.
Fear of leaving something behind.
Hoshang N. Akhtar: An intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex,and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
Depending on the moment I am considering some or all of those generalized categories where fear can grip, my response is typical:
And I will admit here to being more of a fighter than a runner. Or I have learned to be in recent years. Truth be told, I am a talker and I can talk the fear into nothingness, by simply talking it to death. I am good at that.
Thomas Jefferson: There is not a truth existing which I fear or would wish unknown to the whole world.
What I am considering though is less about conquering fear as it is learning to just live with it. It's ever present isn't it? At least in the generalized sense. There is always something to fear, whether it is rational or otherwise. So, the question I am (not entirely lucidly) focusing on is: Why fear fear, anyway?
Myriad others have thought about this too I am sure, and have quipped famous lines denoting their rather profound and poetic thoughts regarding fear. I don't have any of those to offer here.
I am just thinking.
Living with fear without feeling the need to avoid it nor conquer it. It seems doable, doesn't it?
Japanese proverb: Fear is only as deep as the mind allows
Alternatively, one could just eat ice cream. To hell with the examined life.