Sunday, January 18

The Things You Do for Love

I should be working. Really, I should. There is lots to be done and the hours to do it are drifting away. Instead, though, I am wandering the house, the internet, and my own imagination.
Blame it on the random spotted sleep I have had the last 2 nights. Poor Andrew has been sick and between bouts of vomiting we've been doing a lot of cuddling. And in the end, at his recovery, I am feeling the shell-shock of not sleeping. Mostly that is manifesting in this can't-focus-on-nothin'-state of mind which I confessed to when I started this paragraph.

Reader warning: If you are looking for coherency and succinct point in your blog reading today, move along. I just don't think that will be happening here.

I've been thinking. About lots of things really, but mostly about fear. The way it manifests, the way it underscores, overrides and dictates action. Perhaps I should insert CAN into that sentence. The way fear CAN manifest, underscore, override and dicate actions. My actions for sure. I am assuming here this is a universal experience and others have the same feeling. (You'll have to report in the comments section and tell me if it's so.)

Franklin D. Roosevelt (First inaugural address):The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

What is on my list?
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of what people think.
Fear of trying something new.
Fear of leaving something behind.

Hoshang N. Akhtar: An intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex,and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.

Depending on the moment I am considering some or all of those generalized categories where fear can grip, my response is typical:

And I will admit here to being more of a fighter than a runner. Or I have learned to be in recent years. Truth be told, I am a talker and I can talk the fear into nothingness, by simply talking it to death. I am good at that.

Thomas Jefferson: There is not a truth existing which I fear or would wish unknown to the whole world.

What I am considering though is less about conquering fear as it is learning to just live with it. It's ever present isn't it? At least in the generalized sense. There is always something to fear, whether it is rational or otherwise. So, the question I am (not entirely lucidly) focusing on is: Why fear fear, anyway?
Myriad others have thought about this too I am sure, and have quipped famous lines denoting their rather profound and poetic thoughts regarding fear. I don't have any of those to offer here.

I am just thinking.

Living with fear without feeling the need to avoid it nor conquer it. It seems doable, doesn't it?

Japanese proverb: Fear is only as deep as the mind allows

Alternatively, one could just eat ice cream. To hell with the examined life.


  1. I have to say that the worst decisions I've made have always been done out of fear. Then again some really good decisions I've made have been as well. Hope you get some sleep soon!

  2. Fears, like hopes, can be reasonable or unreasonable. Trying to figure out the difference usually leads me straight to ice cream. Hope everyone in your household is healthy soon so that you can catch up on your sleep!

  3. Yum, ice cream. I choose that everytime.

  4. euh, what? Can you rephrase that post please?

    Yes I fear my own fear, very much so. And I hate that

  5. Fear is an interesting beast - I always find it intriguing that fear is so individualized. For example, I have a huge fear of flying (nasty big fear!) but I mostly can still get an on airplane when required to do so. On the other hand, I have several friends who are paralyzed with fear at the thought of speaking in public, which I actually love doing - in fact, I get an adrenaline rush and can't wait to do it again! So for me it is airplanes, for others public speaking . . . . yep - I think we all better stick with the ice cream!

  6. Fear. You can let it rule your life or you can face it head on. I have dealt with a lot of fears in my life and I have conquered a few and still respect some. Some are healthy fears, some are irrational some you can learn from and become stronger. Be strong.

  7. Do I face my fear or eat ice cream? I'll let my current weight stand as my answer.

  8. Yes, we all have fears - especially if we're parents. But that's a whole other can of worms. And yes, I've made some bad decisions out of fear and continue to be afraid that some other decisions I've made will turn out to be bad ones. But yet, we all just keep on truckin', don't we?

    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain.

    Dune, Frank Herbert

  9. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make the fear go away.

  10. To me, fear is always focused, usually on fear of loss or fear of disrespect. In either case, it puts me on the back foot, defensive. I've learned to lean forward, fave confidence, and take the consequences if things go wrong, deciding it's worse to have sins of omission than commission.

    I don't know, I just have to *do something* rather than sit and wait... (I'm going through a patch now too, so I share some of the feelings you are struggling with)