While You Were Sleeping

Part of the downtime I have been forced to take because of this illness, has been spent sleeping. Part of that sleeping time has been drug induced napping, but no matter, I have literally spent a lot of time in bed the past few days. Not altogether a bad thing, generally, but still...
I woke from a mid-morning nap yesterday with a heavy dream still lingering, and it has taken me awhile for it to distill and come into focus in my mind. I don't know if my interpretation of the images and experiences in my subconcious are correct or thorough, but I am intrigued by the way this dream is hanging on in my psyche. Like it came to teach me something.

I remember having a dream with this kind of impact a few years ago as well. It was just after receiving an email from my second sister, an email which arrived in my inbox just before we moved to Holland, in which she basically announced that she was cutting her ties with me. She didn't want to see me/us as we made our visiting rounds to family and friends before our departure, and she wished me a nice life.

It was an email equivalent of a dagger to the heart.

I spent days wrestling with the why's and the what's of such a communication and cried buckets of tears over its message.

Then one night, at my parent's house in Texas, I had a dream. I was driving down the road, when my car received a crushing blow from a huge, swinging apparatus. Immediately, I stopped the car and climbed out from under the crushed aluminum and began banging at the crumpled metal. I tried with all of my might to pull or push the pieces straight again, to flatten them out, and to make the car whole. The whole time in the dream I was sobbing and banging and wishing with every thing I had that I could make it better. That I could fix it. But I couldn't. Not by myself. There was no way I could fix the car without help from someone else.

I woke from that dream so sad and confused. I mulled over it for hours, days even, before a meaning presented itself clearly to me. It was a message about my sister. My relationship had survived (albeit barely) a crash, and no matter how much banging, or pulling, or weeping I did over the wreck, I wasn't going to be able to fix it myself. I had to wait until someone else could help me. Specifically, I believed I must wait for my sister's help.

I am still waiting.

But yesterday's dream still has me guessing a little.
I was exploring a theater building wherein I was supposed to be performing, or running a show for others, and I was confused and slightly overwhelmed because I wasn't really sure where I was or what I was supposed to be doing there. Then, as a dream is wont to do, suddenly I found a staircase which seemed familiar. So I descended the steps and instantly I knew exactly where I was. I was standing in the basement corridor of the Capitol Theater in Salt Lake City. It was the performance venue of my youth, and I was there in the dream, surrounded by familiar sights, sounds and smells. I knew this place and felt completely at home there.

But the message which seems obvious on one level is still eluding me on others. Or perhaps it isn't and I am not quite ready to embrace it fully yet. But it has me wondering.

And thinking.

And that can never be a bad thing.

Tell me your dreams.

*****************************

On a less contemplative note: I have just had a dream fullfilled.

More on that later, but only because I love keeping secrets

and I really love surprises.