Sunday, June 15

Counting Thoughts

I am often in my head. Most times that is decent company but the trouble with staying there (inside myself, keeping thoughts to myself) is that what I think has transpired in real life has actually only happened in my thoughts.
[Now is the time you may find yourself quickly moving to the next blog to read as you may believe that I just divulged the sure fact that I hear voices in my head....]

Point of fact. Recently I got a great e-mail from my sister in law announcing that after more than a year of wading through paperwork, meetings, and scrutinizing home visits the three children she and my brother brought into their home (yes, en masse to join the 2 boys already there) were OFFICIALLY ADOPTED and legally theirs! Of course, I read that email, jumped for joy, cried tears of gratitude, and shouted out loud in celebration. But that email? I never answered it.
I don't know, maybe I think that since I had such a giant celebration (in my head) she would somehow discern across the pond just how happy I was?


My sister sent a wonderful set of new DVD's for Andrew's birthday last month. We did a happy dance in the living room together over his new Bob the Builder movie and shouted "thank you Aunt Mindy!" a hundred times. But did I tell her that they had arrived? Did I send a thank you email, or make a gratitude phone call? That would be a resounding no.


There is the email that came in from my cousin about my nephew with important news. In my head I had a long conversation with Heather, expressing my empathy and discussing the possibilities for these little men in our lives with "problems". But the arrow indicator proving that I made a return response by email? Doesn't exist.

Repeat this story a thousand times over in the last several months and you will begin to get the picture of just how bad at this outside expression thing I am becoming.

I should do something about that. Out loud, I mean.

I have long held that people are the important things in life. The connections we build and sustain is, in my opinion, what creates a rich and wonderful life. Like nurturing a plant in the garden, relationships need care and attention. And yeah, sometimes space. I recognize that with too much attention a plant can suffer, drown even. So with that analogy I am banking on the idea that my family and friend relationships (which I have failed to nurture--outside of my head--of late) are as resilient as my orchid plant from last year's Mother's day (which, by the way, was a bare stick until last week):

Hold on my friends, a return response is coming. First though, I have to entertain those voices...


  1. Oftentimes, when I have a complex problem though which I need to work, I'll come up with the solution in my dreams. I'll wake up in the morning, fully expecting that I've completed the task, only to realize after a few hours that the task still awaits me.


    If only I was as brilliant as I am in my dreams.

  2. I like that font you're using for our header now. What is that? I like your new picture up top too. Orange I will have to get used to, but it works and if it helps us win..hey, I'm all for it.

  3. DS, sometimes I'm a mathematical genius in my dreams and solve incredibly difficult problems, which in turn make the world a better place, but then I wake up and can't remember what the formula was that I came up with.

  4. eyes almost fall out with the redecorating. But yeah, I feel you on the not doing things out loud thing. I do that plenty and it really can be easy to fall into and hard to get back out of.

  5. lilac and picture-
    The orange is all about the winning.
    The communication thing I still am working on...

  6. I do that all the time too. Or I have a conversation with one person thinking I had it with another and then can't understand why the second person is clueless. I think it's inherited b/c my dad does that to us kids all the time. Took us awhile to figure out he was moving to Denver.

  7. Jenn,
    I read your blog on a regular basis and always have something witty to say. Do I every actually put it in writing? When was the last time you saw my name here. There must be many of use talking in our heads.


  8. I go through periods like that too. However, whenever I don't hear back from someone, I like to think that they are are experiencing something similar and that they too had a whole conversation in their mind about answering me back just like I did when I got their email.

  9. *heaves a sigh of relief*

    I am not alone! :D I tend to answer people with lengthy monologues and wishes and congratulations and explanations, but somehow they never hear it...

    And the dreams about finishing something, and then waking up and find you haven't finished it yet. Well, let's say I was incredibly disappointed about an unfinished thesis. :)

  10. Although I can't wear orange, it looks really good on you! Love the picture up top, too. But then again, I love ALL your pictures! Really, really love that one, then?

    Hey, you have to talk to yourself at least once in a while ... you need to hear someone with some sense now and then.

    Those of us (Jami raises hand to signify that she should be included) who also have moved up and turned pro in the amateur crastinator leagues, and who also talk to ourselves and hold one-sided psychic conversations with our friends, TOTALLY understand what you're saying. Some of us actually hear you as well as ourselves ... I think. That is you I hear, isn't it?

  11. picture-poo,
    The font is one I found on photobucket under the add text tab. Honestly, I don't remember what it is called. But hang on, I shall look it up for you.
    Ah, it's called CRETINO. Neato, huh?
    By the way, all the girly beer is disappearing around here fast. I am not sure how...

    P.S. I used to begin all my journal entries with DS. Your typo surprised me and made me remember. Your dreams about mathematical genius do not surprise me, however.

    songbird, anneke-
    Surely our efficiency and brilliance in our dreams translates to something in real life. No? Really? Are you certain?

    I am so glad you just forgive me the non answering and assume that I've talked it all over with you in my head, because the truth is, I HAVE!

    Thanks for making the comment! You made my day!

    I am not sure if my parents did the same or not when they moved to Texas years ago. I did at least get a post card after they moved, so I don't think they were trying to ditch me outright...

    I love being in a league (any league) with you. You are my kind of girl!

  12. Part of it is this time of year, I think. From the time the end of school starts creeping up, I'm lucky to get any thought in - in my head or otherwise.

    I LOVE the new blog look, btw... Hup Holland Hup! or not.

  13. Sometimes the voices in your head are smarter than the ones outside, you know. :D

  14. aaah yes....I always sneek at my mail during work, but then don't really have the time to truly answer the mails from my dear friends as I don't want to rush rush that. My friends deserve a good well thought compassionate answer.

    On my drive home (45min) I have the most wonderful conversations with them.

    And then I come home starving and I need to cook and run to aerobic or choir rehearsal or ... and I get a phone call and then I doze off in the sofa and ...

    And weeks later I clean up my mailbox and I sink in the ground as I have not answered their e-mails yet. Or they send me a reminder. Oh yikes, I feel so guilty about that (especially since I do spend enough time on the computer ...I can't deny that really. Oooops

    Glad I am not the only one.

  15. Wow - well put i must say!!! If we could come up with a new way to email or blog via our thoughts- I think it would save a whole lot of trouble and time. I can't tell you how many things a day I compose in my head! My sister was appalled one day when i told her if they come out with a computer chip I can insert in my head (preferably one that can't crash or get a virus!!!) then I am all for it. I suppose we could push on our nose as a sure fire way to click "send"!!!!

  16. This is so familiar. I do this, too. A lot. Too much.

    My trouble is, after neglecting to actually respond for so long, I worry that I've hit some kind of expiration date and I'm going to look like a real idiot or seem very insulting by taking care of it after all that time.

    My inaction is exhausting.